Turn and Learn

Andrea Chocano

My biggest turn in life was learning and getting to love myself. I’ve always ignored my feelings, well, my negative feelings, and wouldn’t like to accept myself. At one point it got to me, so I tried to change the way I was and get to know myself and be myself. I would try to change my style, hobbies, and interests, and also start working on myself and my emotions until I find a solution and a reason for the negative ones. Then at another point where many things stressed me, I would ask myself “What am I doing?” I never understood where I stood and who I was. I remember talking to my close friend Ashley.

I would tell her so much and this one conversation really motivated me. I asked her, “Ashley do you ever feel like you don’t know what you’re doing sometimes?”

Ashley told me, “Of course, but you need to reassure yourself and focus on yourself to learn, and accept yourself.”

This really changed my mindset. I really put in my head “focus on yourself.” This stuck throughout my head during this time.

Then I started setting goals for myself. I would write down my goals, plans, and strategies. I started doing workouts, hanging out with family and friends more, and managing ways to get all my work done. Also, I started working on my interests and finding opportunities to turn them into something more than interests. For example, boxing. I started working more in my free time and watching videos on strategies, and I got into an academy, which I was so grateful for and couldn’t be any happier about. I started working on myself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Setting a strong mindset and goals can bring a lot of positive energy. 

This sounds like everything’s going great right? Well yes… until March 13, 2020, when everything started falling apart. It was like I had to do another obstacle course all over again. A pandemic started and we all went into quarantine. School shut down, and so did parks, theaters, malls, restaurants, most likely everything. School resumed after spring break and I'm pretty sure it got really challenging for most everyone. I saw myself change back to where I was lost, and I didn’t know If I wanted to stay there and start all over again. 

During this time I’ve come to realize that this was all a lesson. It made me realize how everyone really will be, and it took me to a place where I was in peace. Losing stuff in life is sometimes a great thing, and changing is also important. I got all the negative energy away from me, and I learned who the actual people who were there and cared for me were. I would be in my room at night thinking to myself, “Wow, I really got here.” I thought it was the worst thing that has happened to me. 

Months went on, and I was finding everything I thought I lost, I would just be so scared about losing people, and changing it was scary and hard. Throughout this whole time, it was a lesson and a turning point in my life. I needed to change, and distance people away and focus on myself for a bit.

Now that it’s been almost 8 months in this pandemic, my life has changed completely. I don’t even know how to explain my trip, and all the tosses and turns I had, and the lessons I learned along the way. I would stay up almost every night just thinking and wondering “why?” I never understood it. Now I’m happy, and I’ve learned that in a dark tunnel there's always light. You just have to keep walking to the end. Sometimes I wake up confused, but I remember everything amazing in my life that i’m grateful for. I am endlessly grateful for all the people who have been there and supported me during this whole trip. 

I’m mostly grateful for Ashley. If I had never told her how I was feeling, I feel like I would have been in the same place. Ashley has stuck with me all the time, and everyone who left me midway or was never there, I wish them nothing but the best, because if you send bad energy it will always come back, you give and receive. Even though the people who I wanted in my life aren't here, they deserve all the best for their hard work and all they have done. Now that I’ve found who I am and how my life is, I'm happy, and whatever happens, I’ll handle it. I don’t ever want to feel confused or not know what to do in my life ever again.