Making a Choice
I was around 12 years old and my dad had asked me to help him go get some groceries. On the way to the store, I kinda just sat in silence because it wasn’t the most enjoyable thing. We drove around for a while and finally got to the grocery store.
It was a Safeway parking lot with what looked like 300 spaces, all filled up. We drove in circles, my dad complaining every time someone took his spot or cut him off. When we finally found a spot, my dad slowly backed us in and then stopped. We got out of the car and began to find our way through the massive parking lot. Tons of cars would go by on every little intersection before one decided to stop.
When we got through the parking lot to the sidewalk, we walked and talked a little until we reached the entrance. Standing next to the door was a group of three men who looked a little less fortunate than most. One man wore sagging jeans, a red beanie, and a jean jacket. Another man wore a button down shirt with a flannel and jeans. The last man was bald and had on a baggy black t-shirt and black baggy sweatpants. His clothes looked worn, but he had a friendly smile.
When people would walk through the entrance, the man in black would ask, “Hey, anyone have any extra change to spare?” in sort of a deep raspy voice.
I have not had a huge amount of experience with homeless people or people less fortunate. I was mostly just anxious because I don’t usually have money on me so when I get asked then I feel really guilty. Then again I am a kid so it’s not really my fault.
When we walked by the man, he turned to us and asked, “Hey, do you have any money to spare?”
My dad replied with a simple, “No, sorry,” and a quick smile.
He just looked at us with a smile and said, “All good, thank you.” We continued into the store and I started to feel a little guilty. I had never given out money to a person before, I was always too nervous to. He seemed like a nice guy and I wanted to help.
We walked around the grocery store, picking up random items for the week. We eventually checked out and walked out of the store. As we walked by the man again, I noticed that the people that were with him on the street had left him. This made me a little more confident.
As we walked by, he yelled out, “Hey, can you spare some money?”
Again, my dad said, “No, sorry.” Then we continued on our walk to the car.
At this point, my mind was warring and my head was going crazy. I wanted to help the man, but at the same time, I wasn’t an adult, and it really wasn’t any of my business. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but right after the first time I had seen him, I had already subconsciously judged him by his clothes, his appearance, and the way he talked. When I realized that, I blurted out to my dad, “Hey, you know that man at the front of the grocery store? Should we do something to help him?”
My dad replied, “You can if you want,” while loading up groceries. I looked over at the man, leaning over on the wall, asking for money.
I slowly replied, “Ok,” and proceeded to search the car for any spare change that I could find. Sadly, I couldn’t find any, and I looked to my dad for help. He told me that we should just go home, so we got in the car and drove away.
On the car ride back home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the man, and I realized that I was simply feeling guilty. I didn’t know why I felt it. It’s not my fault he needed money or my responsibility to give him any, but I still felt the guilt.
When we got home, I asked my dad, “Dad, can I go get some change and can we drive back so I can give the man some money?”
He looked at me and sighed, “Ok, fine. It’s your budget though.” I looked back at him and ran into the house to find my wallet. My wallet was in its usual place and I ran back downstairs and out to our car. We drove all the way back to the store in around 15 minutes, and on the way there, all I could think was, this could be very helpful or very hurtful. Then again, I had only brought about $35, dollars but I wanted to give it to him anyhow.
We made it to the store at around 3:00 p.m. maybe, and the sun was still glaring bright above my head. I got out of the car and made my way to the store entrance. I saw the man, still leaning against the wall, just chilling.
This was the point that I got really nervous. What if he wanted more money? What if he didn’t want it? What if he tried to guilt trip me? I didn’t know what to do. I found myself frozen on the sidewalk, thinking about the possibilities.
In the end, I walked up to him, the cash in my pocket. He looked up at me from where he had decided to sit down.
I sort of timidly looked around and said, “Hey, I have some money if you… you know.” I don’t know why I said it like that, it just kind of came out. He looked at me with a smile on his face. I handed the dollars over and then stepped back.
“Thank you son. God bless you,” and shook my hand. I turned around and made my way back through the parking lot. I got back in my car and my dad faced me.
“How do you feel?” he asked. I thought for a minute: How did I really feel? I had spent around an hour that day overthinking such a simple thing. I realized that, while my concerns were legitimate, if anything had happened, I could have just walked away and wouldn’t have lost anything. I also didn’t know if I was comfortable using that much money on this. If I hadn’t though, I wouldn’t have used that money for a while. It could change his life, getting an extra meal in or two. For me, it would just be going out and getting food with friends or buying a new book.
People are still people, no matter what. Now, I haven’t had any experiences like this one since, but it did teach me something. If you want to do something, just out of curiosity or kindness, do it. If it’s not dangerous and there is no risk, just do it. If you have nothing to lose out of it except your ego… do it. I learned something that day, a single act of kindness can help someone, even just a little bit. This made me feel a little bit better about myself and helped me practice some kindness and generosity.
Sometimes I feel like I haven’t given enough back to the world, given that i’ve learned and been gifted so much from it. To me personally, this was an experience that showed me how generous I could be if I wanted to. I don’t know if I would go out of my way to do this again but I feel like I really learned a lot about myself and how my brain works.
Now, “How do you feel?”
I thought for a moment and said “I feel good.”
