Nierenfressender Bartoffle
By Ari Oysgelt and Sybella John
Bartonville, was a town in 1800, Germany. It used to be a lively place but now after a plague it is emotionless. All of the people there lived sad quiet lives. A few towns over, a lady is giving birth. She ended up having a beautiful, gorgeous, bunch of potatoes that she named Bartoffle. Bartoffle, already questioning life and existence, ran away and started causing chaos.
Bobert the Bartender
I am so exhausted after my shift; there were so many people at the bar today. I guess everyone really needed to drink their heart out. As I lock up the bar and leave, I hear a loud thunk behind me.
“Who’s there?” I demand. I wait a second and look around, see and hear nothing, so I finish and leave the bar. I take a shortcut to my house through a dark gloomy alleyway, which is pretty much like the rest of the town: gloomy as well.
“Thunk!” I hear it again, my skin starts quivering and I start to get goosebumps.
I take my knife out and yell, “Reveal yourself!” I see a potato roll across the ground. I bend down to look at it. It seems like there is some writing on it. I squint my eyes in hopes of them focusing on the characters that are carved into the potato. “Look behind you :)...?” I read out loud to myself. “What the cracker jack is that supposed to me-AHHGG!”
Brapio the Policeman
RIIING “Who is it” I ask. “Ok I’ll be there in a jiffy.”
I open the door and think, “How could this happen? No one has been killed in four years.” I hop into my car and drive to the bar. When I get there I go to the nearby alley way. “Oh Sweet Mother of Corn Syrup!!” I exclaim. “How did this happen?”
“He was murdered last night around 25:00,” Berlock the Detective says.
“How does that work?” I question.
“Don’t ask!” he snaps at me. Bobert the bartender was lying on the ground covered in blood. I take a closer look to see that he has a hole near his waist.
“His kidney is gone,” said Berlock. “Some sick fellow was hungry,” he says as he points to pieces of kidney scattered around the area.
“We need to find whoever is responsible for this,” I declare. “But first I need a donut.”
Berlock the Detective
I examine the dead bodies. They all seem to have one thing in common; each and everyone of them has a medium sized gash right in the spot a left kidney would be. “Hmmmm, maybe it was some sort of feeding frenzy, but only a monster would have the hunger and bloodlust to do this,” I mutter to myself as I examine the gruesome scene in front of me. It seems to be the same as the first case of this murderer, when the bartender was killed.
“Honestly you are one of the most clueless detectives I have ever seen, even though everything is laid right in front of you,” a feminine voice said behind me.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“I am here to help you with this case because I can’t wait any longer for you to finally connect the dots. The name’s Bertha by the way,” She replied.
“Right then partner, the name’s Berlock. I can sense that we will make a great team,” I said.
“I can sense I will need to solve this by myself,” She mumbles, looking slightly annoyed already.
Bartholomew the Traveler
As I arrive at a gloomy village, I believe it is called Batonville… Bartonville? Yeah, it’s called Bartonville. I scan the area as I enter the village with my few belongings. It looks more like the remains of what used to be a lovely town, the houses are all a different dead shade of gray or brown, the clouds barely parted to let in any sunlight, and none of the blue sky was revealed to any of the eyes of the citizens. Overall, this place looks very sad. Even the people have glazed over eyes; they seemed emotionless. I slowly walk over to one of the dead looking citizens. I open my mouth to ask them something but as soon as they noticed me, their eyes widened. It was… strange to see emotion in their once dead eyes. I look at them, confused, as they take two steps back, a scared look painted onto their face, they turn around and sprint away going into an alley. I just shake it off and continue walking down the street, and I find that most of the other people that noticed me did the same thing. I continued to walk down the street until I hear someone yell, “OFFICER, IT’S HIM!” I turn around and I see the first person that I tried to talk to when I got into the town.
“Ok random citizen, calm down, I can handle this,” the police officer replies as he walks up to me. “Sir, do you know why I am here?” the police officer asked.
“Um, no?” I reply hesitantly.
“Me neither.” he replies, chuckling afterwards. “Just kidding, anyway, you’re coming with me.”
“What! Why? I didn’t do anything!” I reply.
“Because of recent murders and a criminal on the loose, the town is on lockdown. No one can enter or leave for now, and anyone who does will be imprisoned until proven absolutely innocent. We can’t take any chances,” the Police Officer states.
“Well, no one stopped me from entering the town. Maybe you should have people at the entrance to guard it or at least put a Go Away sign?” I suggest.
“Hmm, those ideas are not half bad,” he says, chuckling a bit. “Maybe I will do that.”
“Does this mean I am free to go?” I say, anxious to get the heck out of here.
“No,” he replies.
“Dang it,” I mutter.
“Do you have a donut?” he asks.
Brapio the Police officer
I kind of feel bad for the traveler being locked in for so long, but his sentence is going to get even worse. I walk over to the prison, noticing that there are no guards.
“The Bartoffle must have killed them all,” I mutter to myself.
“What's that?” I hear someone call.
“Oh you're here. Come over,” I say, as I open the cell door.
“Why?” the traveler grunts.
“The jail is closing so you’re going to be tied up in a warehouse.”
“No please!” he begs. “I’m innocent, and scared of the dark!”
“Sorry man, I gotta do my job,” I say as I drag him to a car, and throw him into the back seat. I start the car, and start to drive off. We arrive at the warehouse, and let me tell you that is the rustiest thing I ever done did see. I step out of the car, and immediately get hit by a gust of wind. I lift my hand up to shield my face from the wind. I look back up at the warehouse, and head over to the door, dragging the traveler with me. I step in and I get hit with a bunch of warm, stuffy air. I walk over to a support beam, and analyze my surroundings as I do so. The entire warehouse was grey with the occasional dead shade of brown from the decaying wood. It smelt so stale and musty.
“Let me go!” the traveler protests; wiggling and thrashing hopelessly as I tie him to a support beam.
“HEY, BRAPIO! WE’RE HERE TO HELP YOU WITH THE CASE!” I hear from behind me. I see that Bertha and Berlock have arrived.
“What are you guys here for?” I ask, “I got all of this under control.” Bertha runs over to me and grabs my arm.
“No, what are you doing!” Bertha says in a panicky tone, “the Bartoffle are coming!”
“What do you mean? I was told to go and tie this cornstarcher up.”
“We need to go now,” Betha ordered. “They are coming.”
“Ok ok I’ll come, but first let me untie the prisoner, ” I explain, “Ooo~ a donut,” I say, bending down to pick it up.
“No, we need to go,” Bertha orders.
“Nah, wait” I answer. “I'm hungry,” “Wait, where are the Potatoes?” I ask.
“There here!” Berlock shrieks in a high pitch.
“ Where? Arggg-!” I scream as the last thing I see being the monster's rusted knife, and his blood splattered skin, looking like splattered ketchup.
Berlock the Detective
“No don’t leave me here,” the Traveler begs in pain as Bartoffle carves away at his hip going for the kidney.
“We need to go,” Bertha yells with tears rolling down her face, crying for the loss of her beloved police.
“He deserved it,” Berlock mumbled with jealousy. “Stupid policeman.”
“Look at the support beams!” shouted Bertha while pointing. “If we can break them we can crush the Bartoffle!” I glance over at the support beams of the building.
I ran over to the beams but the Bartoffle started to chase me. I jump to the side into a pile of trash. The Bartoffle starts running around like crazy destroying anything in its path.
“We need to go,” shouts Bertha while running, “The warehouse is going to collapse.” I start running out of the building but before I can get fully out I trip and fall. My heart starts pounding as I try to crawl out. But I was too late and the warehouse collapsed. I hear a disgusting crack from behind me.
“Aghh, my leg, I can’t move my leg!” I scream in pain, I look behind me and see the warehouse has collapsed on my now broken leg. "Help get this thing off me!” I exclaim as I feel the burning pain in my leg worsen.
“Oh shoot, that's not good!” Bertha says, as she rushes over. She lifts the rubble off of my leg and I crawl out from under it. She lifts me up and helps me walk away from the scene. After we sat down and created a fire to keep us warm, I asked “Do you wanna have french fries?”
“Yeah,” she answers.
Then I remember something and get on one knee. I took a box out of my front pocket, and I open it, and there was a potato carved into a beautiful ring.
“Will you marry me Bertha? Please, I love you!” I beg.
“No, you’re dumb,” She snaps at me and walks away.
The end
