Top Row
By Sam Dickey
Do you remember when you’ve felt put in the spotlight? Everyone is staring at you, waiting. Have you felt so exposed all of a sudden that you can feel your heart beating multiple times per second? This is a story about an experience that shaped me and my perception of my own abilities; an experience that changed how other people perceive one’s skills in my choir: placements. Placements is something that takes place in my choir, which is part of an organization called Ragazzi Boys Chorus. Everyone sings part of a section of our songs individually with eyes everywhere looking, watching them. There’s no warning beforehand. It all happens spontaneously. It’s a strategy devised by my director to get everyone competing for higher spots in the hierarchy of my choir.
Let me explain. At the start of the year, my director, Mr. Rogers, explained to us how placements would work. We would all individually sing part of a song in our sections and get put into a row afterwards. The rows were based on skill, resonance, and how well you are able to absorb and learn new music. The most experienced singers are placed in the back rows and less experienced/newer singers are placed in the front rows. This is so the boys in the front rows learn their parts easier and sing more confidently because they have people right behind them singing well. All in all, this creates a blend of voices that is able to adapt to almost any scenario.
It’s a normal Wednesday rehearsal in the late afternoon. Everyone is excited because there are tryouts for a trio part on one of our signature songs, “Ave Maria” by Franz Biebl. People had been practicing for weeks beforehand. They were ready. Our director is pretty mysterious about how he plans the schedule for our rehearsals, so nobody knew when the trio tryouts would take place. At the start of rehearsal, we went to sing one of our mixed voice songs with one of the treble groups called “Shalom.” We walked to their rehearsal space, sang the song with them a few times to figure out logistics and technicalities in the piece, and proceeded to walk back to our space for our normal Young Men’s Ensemble (YME) rehearsal.
We came back to our normal scheduled rehearsal, did some more warmups, and pulled out a piece called “Come and See the King,” a religious piece. I’m not religious, but I love singing pieces like this one because they sound pretty good, and they’re generally easier than some of the other pieces. This song was a bit like a warm up song to see where our voices were at the moment. There were lots of sustained notes in the middle of my range which made it feel good to sing. We went through the majority of the piece, and we had it down pretty well. We just needed some polishing on certain parts and to memorize it.
“Basses, stand up please,” Mr. Rogers said. People started muttering and whispering.
“Uh oh,” the guy standing next to me said with a scared look on his face. I didn’t think much of us standing at first, but part of me was a bit confused. Usually if a section is asked to stand up, it’s because we did something wrong on a section of the song. This runthrough, though, I didn’t notice any mistakes on our part.
My choir director turned to the rest of the choir, and the guy standing next to me whispered one word that sent shivers down my spine, “placements.” In short, my director explained how placements would work yet again. I could feel my heart racing inside of my chest, beating from a little over once per second to well over two beats per second. I suddenly felt a bit dizzy and stressed, and I had no idea why. I’m normally pretty relaxed when I'm in the spotlight, but at this moment I was overcome with a wave of anxiety.
Before each rehearsal I had always sat in the rightmost chair in the second row, and I didn’t think much of it. I knew that if I was going to be placed then it wouldn’t matter where I sat now. I looked at my peers behind me, all seniors in highschool sitting in the back row, asserting dominance over people in front of them. I knew that I wanted one of those back row seats, but I didn’t know how I would be able to acquire one.
“Mateo, you can go first,” Mr. Rogers said. Mateo was an upperclassman and one of the best singers in the choir, I knew as soon as he started singing he would be holding onto his spot. As he finished singing the excerpt from the piece, it looked like Mateo knew he would be keeping his chair as he smiled. Mr. Rogers looked at the next person in the back row, Brian, another senior and definitely someone I look up to as a role model in my choir. Everyone in the back row sang with confidence and clarity, and I didn’t know whether I would be able to live up to their skill and experience. The rest of the back row came and went and then he went onto the next row of guys and it was finally my turn. Mr. Rogers looked up at me with the smile he always has on, the twinkle in his eyes, and the large church room around me completely silent as everyone waited expectantly. I turned my stress into adrenaline, opened my mouth, and sang. I felt the fullness of my sound resonate; something I had been practicing with my vocal coach for a while.
Everyone in the room listened in silence, my choir director’s face went from happy and expecting to bewildered and impressed.
He paused for a moment, “Sam and Misha, switch please.”
“I’m coming for you when placement challenges arise,” Misha whispered as I walked past him. I smiled and sat down in my new seat.
“Sam, remind me what grade you’re in?” Mr. Rogers asked.
“8th grade,” I responded. He started chuckling a little bit and I looked around to see the shock on many people’s faces. Because of how tall I am, they most likely assumed I was older than that, along with the fact that many of them didn’t know me very well to start with. Once he finished placing everyone, he let us go for an 11 minute break. As soon as the break started, Brian came up to me and started laughing a bit,
“You should join CS next year,” he said. CS is short for choral scholars, a subgroup of the Young Men’s Ensemble led by the artistic director of the organization, Mr. Jue, who perform with the treble boys.
“I can’t, I’m not a sophomore,” I said as I was putting my music away.
“I’m sure that if you ask Mr Jue. and sing for him that he would definitely let you join, especially since the senior class this year is so big and he’s going to need more people next year.”
“Maybe, I was considering it a little bit.”
I walked outside and met with the group of guys I normally hangout with, mostly freshmen and sophomores. They all congratulated me and I felt appreciated and accomplished. I had done what I had wanted to do for so long, for over a year I had been waiting for this. I knew that I had worked hard practicing and preparing, and all the hard work had paid off. It was a relief and a glorious sensation. Our break came and went and I walked back inside and took my seat, for the first time, in the back row.
The rest of the rehearsal flew by and it felt like I was in a bit of a trance. I walked out to find my dad, smiling with his hands in his pockets, it was quite cold. I approached him and he asked me,
“How was rehearsal?” I smiled and paused for a moment,
“It was good. Really good.” We walked to our car and I stepped inside, finally able to relax and reflect on everything that had happened. The whole car ride I stayed silent, not picking up my phone for the whole 30 minutes, something that’s hard for me to do. I spent the time thinking and came to the conclusion that hard work and dedication is key to success, and that perseverance in practicing a craft is the only way to get better and to achieve your personal goals. I believe that in the future, because of this experience, I’ve definitely built up more confidence to do things like auditioning for solos and grasping more opportunities that come to me. Music; and striving to be the best at singing is important to me because it’s the one thing that I feel like I’m very good at. I’ve been singing since I was incredibly young and I’ve recently realized how it’s the greatest part of my life.
