Mazel Tov!
by Lionel Sayag
Can you imagine everyone around you, your family, your friends, all following the same tradition, and all the pressure comes down to you? It is your time now, your time to shine, to express your religion, to do your Bar Mitzvah. My brother, 4 years prior did his Bar Mitzvah, my father, all my friends around me, all my 11 cousins on my dad's side did theirs, my uncles, aunts, grandparents, and ancestors all did their Bar Mitzvah, why not me? It was early November when I decided to do my Bar Mitzvah leaving me about 7 months to practice. All my friends, family, all started way before me. They had way more time.
For a Bar Mitzvah you need to learn many things: the Hebrew alphabet, many prayers, a parasha which is a piece of the Torah (Jewish bible) that you read without vowels, a commentary on the piece of the Torah you read, and a lot of information about the Jewish history. But first I had to do an interview about why I want to do my Bar Mitzvah, and if I had enough time to even be ready for my Bar Mitzvah.
The Interview
My father is the religious one of the family. He was the one that helped me the most on the way. He was the one who would do Jewish holidays and introduced me to the Jewish culture and religion. And he knew exactly how the interviewer, the director of the Jewish community in France, would question me. He made me prepare for the interview and write notes. If he asks me x I answer y.
“So, Lilo, why do you want to do your Bar Mitzvah?” asked the interviewer.
“I want to do my Bar Mitzvah because I feel like I want to be part of the Jewish community, and I want to be able to consider myself as Jewish…” I responded.
“Lilo, as you probably know there is a lot of preparation and you have a limited time. Do you think that you will have the time to process everything you learn in such a short time?” the director asked.
“I think that I can put all the necessary time and work to finish on time and do extra classes if needed,” I said in a determined voice.
The rest of the interview was just me showing what I already learned, and he said that in 2 months we will have another interview to see what I had learned, and if I have enough time to learn everything.
Preparation
First my dad told me I needed to learn the alphabet. Every night I would watch a video that taught me how to learn the alphabet, then syllables, and finally words. On Sundays, I would have two Zoom classes in the morning. It was really early in the morning because the teacher would be in France and there is a big time difference. The first class was with this man named Terry who was very chill. He would teach me the prayers while teaching me the history of the Jewish people. The second class was more strict because the teacher worked at the synagogue in France where I was doing my Bar Mitzvah.
I remember not doing my Hebrew homework and on Saturday staying the night with friends, so my dad had to pick me up really early in the morning and bring me back home to do the work on time. One of my friends, William, was one year younger than me and had already started his preparation way before me. I had another friend that was way younger than me and already started too. His dad taught all three of us Hebrew every single night except Friday and the weekend. We did 30 to 45 minutes of Hebrew and then 15 minutes of video games. It was a great motivation to learn Hebrew and helped me a lot along the way. Little by little, I was learning more and more prayers and more and more about the Jewish religion.
Now I had to learn my parasha, the hardest part. In the Hebrew alphabet you only have consonants, and when it is written down they add vowels that are represented by dots and lines next to, or in the letter. In the piece of the Torah that you read, there are no vowel. You have to memorize them. Plus, all the prayers and the Torah all have an air, or melody, so you have to sing them. I also had to make a personal commentary about the Torah and how it connects to my life. The commentary had to be exquisitely written, and it had to be written in French, which is my first language but not really my best.
The Second Interview
The second interview was so much easier. It was pretty much me just flexing how fast I learned my Hebrew skill. The Hebrew class I did every night with my friends perfected my prayers and the speed. I could do the prayers so fast. The director did not have much to talk about. I was so relieved after, I just sat back and lay on the couch. The day was coming soon and thhe days were moving fast. I was in France, it was a couple weeks before my Bar Mitzvah, and my Hebrew teacher was very sick. She was going to be out for some time. I didn’t finish my commentary yet, so I was stressed. But luckily I had my cousin who very knowledgeable in french and judaism. She helped me add very interesting parts in my speech that gave me a different perspective on many things.
Bar Mitzvah
I was ready for my Bar Mitzvah, but I was still stressed; what if I make a mistake? I felt ready but there was just that thought in the back of my mind. What if I forget the prayers? How a Bar Mitzvah works is you do 3 different offices which is a reading. On Thursday I do a normal office, Friday it is a short office where I don’t read the Torah and Saturday is a normal office. Since many of my friends were leaving on Saturday I had to do the party Friday night.
The week of my Bar Mitzvah there where activities everyday: a treasure hunt around Paris, a picnic at the park, a kiddush with my family which is basically a meal leading in the way to the shabbath the Jewish day of rest, bateau mouche(a boat that goes around the seine the river in Paris, all with my family and friends) going around Paris in the glimering water at night. The eiffel towers light shinning bright at you. For the party I had to write a speech to thank all the people that had come. I had to write the speech in the car to the party because I forgot to write it.
The day arrived. It didn’t feel real. I woke up at around 6:30 and we took a taxi. It all felt blurry, unreal. How is it already my Bar Mitzvah? In the synagogue (where you do your office) everything went pretty well. I didn’t really make many mistakes. When I went up to read the Torah I was pretty nervous, but it went well. When I did my commentary the first time was not great. I made mistakes in my reading and it just made me even more nervous. I was stumbling on my words, talking fast and not loud. It was terrible.
The next day was also easier because the office was shorter. It was just the office before the kiddush. Then it was the party. I have been to so many different Bar Mitzvah’s before, my friends and my family. They all were great. But mine just felt different, at the beginning I just couldn’t tell myself that it was MY Bar Mitzvah. The dancing part was awkward at the beginning because everyone looks at you and expects you to dance for hours. But after a while it was fine. I got to see all my friends and family all reunited because of me. Everyone was dancing, eating and having fun. It was everything that I could ever imagine. My group of jewish friends make a play for every Bar Mitzvah about the family. They making jokes about the family in a jokeful way. They make a fictional story about a family in a situation and act out how they would react to it. I have to say it was quite funny.
In Bar Mitzvahs they take the Bar Mitzvah and his family, put him on a chair and throw it. My brother almost fell but caught himself with one arm. At the end of the party and by the time we got home it was 2:00 AM, I went to bed very tired but relaxed. I had the felling that it was almost done.
The next morning I had the last office. That day I did the best, the commentary and the parachat I read was so much better than the last time. I was just annoyed because all my friends had left the day I did well. I had dinner that night with only my family and one of my friends. It was a great time that I got spend with all my family before they left. After that I didn’t feel relaxed right away. It took some time to process it and re-establish myself in my “normal” life. I am glad it is over but some part of me misses it. Me and my dad constantly talk about the Bar Mitzvah and my work towards it. After the Bar Mitzvah I had to write thank you cards to all the people that came. There were about 150+ people there. To this day I haven’t finished all of them and my Bar Mitzvah was last summer (it takes a long time because you have to hand write them all). Last weekend I went to one of my best friends Bar Mitzvah (William the one the I was doing Hebrew with) and it gave me a sense of happiness and melancholy. When I see him the Torah I look back at when I was doing the same thing.
I have to say, my Bar Mitzvah was a life changing moment and gave me different perspectives in life. All the stress of the Bar Mitzvah showed me that you have ot take your time sometimes and fully understand what you are doing. My Bar Mitzvah is important to my identity because it was a way to express myself and my religion. My Bar Mitzvah and my religion judaism is part of me and my life, as I grow it grows.
