A Programmer Has Found A Way To Pass Through Walls... What Does This Mean?
Recently, programmer Susan Brown found a ‘glitch’ in the world that allows her to pass things through solid objects! People all over the world are wondering how she did it and what it means for our future. Well, you’re in luck! We managed to get a hold of the programmer herself, Susan Brown, for an exclusive interview about what she has just made.
But first, here’s a bit of background for those who haven’t been watching the news lately. There have been many theories about the world being a simulation and how we could just be brains in vats. A programmer, on sabbatical from her job at Google, found a way to get through any solid object using what seemed to be a ‘glitch’ in physics. Scientists on the scene have acknowledged that this shouldn’t be possible according to any laws of physics ever. “In fact, this breaks the ultimate law, that of cataclysmic subatomic ion fusion extrapolation. Basically, this means that whatever has happened here, it makes no sense and is completely bonkers. I for one think that physics is broken and should be fixed,” says expert Tom Tompson.
So, now that you’re all caught up, onto the interview. This is the unedited transcript of our interview with Susan Brown. Please note that none of the interview has been censored or in any way changed from what actually happened.
Interview with programmer Susan Brown
CODING Magazine: So. What exactly does your program do?
Susan Brown: The program works in tandem with a special device I built. You can see it over there.
(SB points to what appears to be a big bundle of something under a tarp.)
CM: Very interesting. What exactly is under that tarp?
SB: underneath the tarp are several objects that are connected in a special way to exploit physics and allow certain things to happen that would in any other circumstance be impossible. The program facilitates that connection and controls the whole thing to make it all happen with the correct timing. When the program is run, the device activates and a signal is sent to this smaller device I have here.
(SB holds up a large plastic cube.)
SB: in this box I have a receiver that receives the message from my program and activates the glitch. Let me show you how it works.
(SB walks outside to a concrete wall. She puts the plastic cube on the ground right in front of the wall and goes over to her computer.)
SB: As soon as I run this code, a timer will activate. This gives me enough time to run over to the wall next to the box and get into the position best for the glitch to work.
(She presses a key on her computer and sprints to the wall. She holds out her arms, turns around and shoves her back to the wall. A beep comes from the box and both Susan and the box tip backwards and go right through the wall. Moments later, SB walks out from the other side of the wall holding the box.)
CM: Wow! Incredible!
(CM representative applauds.)
CM: This is incredible, but also more than a little worrying. A ‘glitch’ such as this suggests that our world might be little more than a simulation. Besides, if this technology gets into the wrong hands, it could be disastrous. Imagine being able to get into a bank without having to touch the door. It would be terrible!
SB: Yes, such a future would be undesirable. Let me explain how the glitch works. The glitch, as you may have seen, rolls the person and the box backwards and down. To use it, one has to push off the ground as they begin to fall, giving them the momentum needed to get a good distance through the wall. Once the glitch is finished, you end up with a person and a cube inside the ground, yet on the other side of the wall. As two things in the same place isn’t possible, the two entities in the ground get shoved back upwards almost instantly until they are on the other side of the wall. I ran extensive tests before doing the glitch on anything living, and fortunately the process of entering the ground and getting shot back out of it is painless and doesn’t harm anything.
CM: this is absolutely astounding. What do you think the impacts of this technology are?
SB: Well, there are some limitations to the glitch. First of all, by the time the glitch is over and physics expels you from the ground, you must be over halfway through the wall you want to get through or you will just pop back up where you were. If the wall is thick enough, you won’t have enough time to travel all of the way through the wall and it won’t work. So, a possible way to adjust to life with this glitch is to make all walls thicker. Also, because the glitch requires contact with the bigger device over there, blocking all signals in the area would stop the device from working. So, there are things that can be done.
CM: how long did it take you to develop the program?
SB: Surprisingly, it didn’t take that long to make the actual program, only about two months. The real difficulty was in figuring out the device, because while it’s actually pretty simple, the concept it’s using to make the glitch work is very complicated. If someone got a look at the device, they could make more and it would be very easy to reproduce. That’s why I’ve covered it with a tarp: if no one sees it, no one will be able to make it. Not without years of work, anyway.
CM: So it’s pretty secure.
SB: Yes.
CM: What inspired you to spend the years of work it took to create this glitch?
SB: I’ve noticed strange weirdnesses in the world before, and I really just had a thirst for knowledge. I wanted to know why some things I observed happened, and as I experimented, I found the possibility of doing new things that no one had ever thought of before. I wanted to know more, so I developed this device and program.
CM: Thank you, Ms. Brown. Now, what is your opinion of cataclysmic subatomic ion fusion extrapolation? The law of cataclysmic subatomic ion fusion extrapolation is the principle that makes physics work, and your glitch has broken this law.
SB: I think the law could very well be true. The thing about this is that it’s a glitch, so it doesn’t really follow normal physics.
CM: Ok. I think that’s all I have to ask you. Thanks for coming!
SB: My pleasure.
End of interview
So, now you know about the glitch that Susan Brown has discovered. We also spoke to an expert in the field, and though we aren’t able to publish the interview with them, they guaranteed that the law of cataclysmic subatomic ion fusion extrapolation is “100% without a doubt completely and totally irrefutably true.” They also guaranteed that the glitch “100% without a doubt completely and totally irrefutably breaks the law of cataclysmic subatomic ion fusion extrapolation, which is 100% … true.” This is worrying because, as was said in the interview, it suggests not that a new law of physics has been discovered but that physics is not the infallible force we believed it to be and that something… wrong is happening.
