A Big Change
After weeks of waiting, my haircut was finally scheduled. I was ecstatic. This thing I had wanted for so long was finally happening. I went through the rest of the weekend wishing to tell someone but the thought of surprising them was enough to resist the urge.
Three days till my haircut, back at school, I started to doubt my decision. Would I really look good with short hair? On my way to Rock Band, I gave Ruby a countdown.
“T-3 days,” I said, “Well, four if you count today.”
“Till what?” she asked.
“You’ll find out in 3 days.”
On the day of my haircut, I had a mix of feelings. I was excited to finally get my haircut. I was also nervous that I wouldn't like it. Most of all, I really wanted to tell someone. I made it almost the full day until dismissal. I told Ruby and everyone in my shuttle. Everyone was busy on their phones. They responded despondently
I went home. Throwing my backpack in the red chair by the door, I sat in the big chair in my front room. I curled up and started watching YouTube. About an hour later my dad came into the room.
“It's time to go,” he said encouragingly.
“Okay.” I said my stomach churning
My dad brought a Ziplock so I could donate my hair. We hopped in the car and drove to the hair salon. When we got there, I insisted he take photos for a before and after.
Inside the salon, I met the stylist and sat down. I told her I wanted to donate my hair and she started braiding it into one braid. She then re-braided my hair into two braids because my hair was too thick to cut in one. It wasn't a smooth satisfying chop though. Even with two braids she still had to hack away at it. When it was done I didn't feel that different. I looked in the mirror and saw an older version of me. My hair sat just below chin length. It was rough but it reminded me of all the times I had had bob cuts in my life.
“You look so cute like this. Are you sure you want to go short? ” she asked.
“I'm sure,” I said. “I've done this before and I want something different.”
“Okay,” she said.
Now I thought the scary part was over, but boy was I wrong.
The stylist walked to the back of the room and grabbed something. I could hear a low whirring sound behind me, the sound of the clippers cutting my hair. It didn't hurt, but it was an experience completely new to me. The rest of the haircut was much less stressful; the stylist asked me lots of questions and the haircut turned out really good.
On the way home I could feel the wind on the back of my head, which is something I hadn't even thought about.
“Do you like it?” my dad asked.
“Yes,” I said beaming ear to ear.
The next day I came to the shuttle with a baseball cap on. I wanted to see if anyone would notice. No one said anything. Then, as I was getting out of the shuttle, I heard Taylor behind me.
“Wait a second,” she said as she rushed up behind me. She yanked my hat off.
“Oh my god you actually did it,” Aubrey said.
“It looks more…… you,” Simon said.
“I want to see how many more people notice,” I said as I pulled my cap back on. We walked into the library. Taylor took off my hat to show each new person that entered the library. During morning PE, I took care to make sure my hat didn’t fall off. People around the circle started to realize throughout the class. As we were all waiting for advisory, me Aubrey and Ruby planned the best way to surprise John.
“You should put your hood,” Aubrey said, “so he can’t see the back.” (It was kind of obvious because of the lack of long hair.)
“I think you should just do the hat,” Ruby said. “Having your hood up will be too suspicious.”
“Wait what if I do it in steps. Go in with them both, take off the hood first then the hat.”
“Yes,” said Aubrey. I pulled up my hood just as Beckett and Cole walked up the stairs. John came up the stairs soon after. I walk in the class and sit down. I take off my hood 2 minutes into advisory. No one seemed to notice. Then, when John was turned around to go check something on his computer, I took off my cap. Beckett and Cole looked dumbfounded. I quietly motioned for him to not say anything just in time for John to turn around. Someone passed the narwhal to me for our EQ check-in and I start to talk. I can see John do a double take as he first notices my hair. Me, Aubrey, and Ruby burst out laughing.
After having short hair for a couple months, I have some thoughts. Some days I really miss my long hair. Especially during ballet I enjoyed the look of a clean bun and I feel rather unprofessional without it. And I liked the feeling of a secure tight ponytail having it swing side to side satisfyingly as I walked. Those hairstyles made me feel safe and secure. But at the same time there are the things that I don't miss; like the constant feeling of hair brushing up against my neck; or whenever I laid my head down on a table (which is a lot as I am often tired), my thick hair would cover half the table and would bother my group mates.; I hated the fact that every night I had to twist my hair out of the way as I slept. Overall despite the drawbacks, I'm glad I did it. My hair grows fairly fast so if I want to grow it out any time, it will prove an easy task. But most of all, I am glad that I didn’t let my fears get the best of me.
